


A Choice in the Matter

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-02-19
Updated: 1999-02-19
Packaged: 2018-11-11 05:13:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11141706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ray and Ben have become lovers, but an assignment Ray is offered could change their relationship.





	A Choice in the Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

A Choice in the Matter

## A Choice in the Matter

by Shannon McKinnon

* * *

Rated NC17 for m/m content. 

Although in the larger sense these characters belong to the fans, legally they belong to Alliance. No copyright infringement is intended and no money will be made from this story. 

This story takes place immediately following the events in "Flashback" 

**A CHOICE IN THE MATTER**

Lt. Welsh finished reading Ray's report. He closed the file and looked up at the detective with a grin. "Is this all true, Vecchio?" 

"Yes, sir." 

"Wow. You know, you hear about women empowering themselves, but this is ridiculous. In a way, though, you have to admire them. This Clifford guy is a real idiot." 

"Yes sir. Uh, sir, can I go home now?" 

"Sure, Vecchio. Good work." 

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Ray left Welsh's office, smiling. His smile faded slightly when he caught sight of Fraser. He was sitting in his usual seat next to Ray's desk, but he had an elbow on the desk and was resting his head in his hand, rubbing his forehead. 

"Hey, Benny, you OK?" 

"Yes, Ray." Fraser answered, smiling at him reassuringly. 

"Sure." Ray said, unconvinced. Fraser looked exhausted. Which wasn't all that surprising, Ray reflected. If _he_ had been chasing after criminals, fallen off a van, hit his head, lost his memory and then spent the rest of the day trying to get his memory back and catch the criminals he wouldn't be feeling his most chipper, either. "Come on, Benny. I'll take you home." 

* * *

Ray kept glancing surreptitiously at Fraser while he drove. Fraser had his head in his hand again, and was now rubbing his eyes. "You got a headache, Benny?" Ray asked, bracing himself for Fraser's denial. 

But Ray was stunned when Ben answered "Yes." 

Ray looked over at him sharply. "A bad one?" 

Ben just nodded. 

"OK." Ray said. "When we get to your apartment, I'm giving you some aspirin, and you're going to take them." 

"Ray..." 

"Don't argue with me, Fraser." 

Ben sighed heavily. "All right." 

Ray sighed too as he continued to drive. He toyed briefly with the idea of taking Ben home and having his Mother take care of him; but the Vecchio house didn't seem like the best place to either get any rest or recover from a headache. 

* * *

When they got to Fraser's apartment, Ben went to shower and change his clothes, while Ray called out for Chinese food. He then put the tea kettle on the stove. Ray shuddered slightly as he got the tea bags down from the cupboard. How could Fraser drink this crap? He reached for the instant coffee that he insisted on keeping on hand. Ray turned at the sound of a light footstep behind him. Fraser was standing in the doorway, dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt. 

"Hey. I've sent out for Chinese, Benny." 

"Oh. Well, that's nice, Ray, but I'm really not hungry." 

"Benny, you haven't eaten anything all day. You haven't had dinner yet, and you sure as hell didn't eat any lunch. Did you have breakfast this morning?" 

"I..." Ben broke off and started to laugh. "I don't remember." 

Ray just stared at him for a minute, then he too began to laugh. "Oh, my God." He said, rolling his eyes. His laughter trailed off. "Well, Fraser, there's a ton of food on the way, and you are going to help me eat it." 

"Yes, Ray." 

Ray looked intently at Fraser, alarmed at how pale his friend was. "Benny, why don't you sit down before you fall over?" 

"Ray, I hardly think..." 

"Benny!" 

"All right, all right!" Ben crossed over to the kitchen table and sat in one of the chairs. He looked up at Ray. "Happy now?" He asked. 

"For the moment." Ray grinned. He handed Benny his cup of tea and two aspirin. Without another word of protest, Ben swallowed the aspirin. 

Before long the food arrived; and before he had taken more than a few bites, Ben discovered to his surprise that he was starving. He devoured his plate of food, then ate a second at a more leisurely pace. When he was done, he pushed his plate away and leaned back in his chair with a contented sigh. 

Ray looked over at him with a huge grin. "Geez, Benny, it's a good thing you weren't hungry." 

Ben shrugged and grinned back at him, then yawned hugely. 

"Why don't you go to bed, Benny?" 

"I haven't done the dishes yet." 

"Fraser," Ray said, "for God's sake I'll do the dishes." 

"I can't let you do that, Ray. You already paid for dinner. I should do my share." 

"Benny," Ray said as patiently as he could "it's no problem. There aren't that many dishes anyway." 

Ben opened his mouth to speak again, but Ray wouldn't let him. "Fraser. It's not a personal failing on your part to let someone help you once in a while." 

Fraser looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. "I'm sorry, Ray." 

"Benny!" 

"I shouldn't apologize?" 

"No, Benny. You should go to bed." 

"Understood." Ben smiled slightly, then got up and started for his bedroom. At the door he stopped and turned. "Ray. Thank you." 

"You're welcome, Benny." Ray smiled. Moving to the sink, he washed the dishes as quietly as possible, then pulled out his cell phone and called his Mother. He briefly filled her in on the events of the day. 

"No, Ma. He's going to be fine. But I'm gonna stay with him tonight to keep an eye on him. I just feel funny leaving him alone tonight. Yeah, I will... I love you too, Ma." 

Hanging up, Ray crossed over to the bed. The moon was almost full, and shafts of moonlight fell over the bed, illuminating it. Ray sat on the edge of the bed and sat staring down at Ben. Asleep, Fraser looked so... innocent. So vulnerable. 

Ray felt a new, yet already familiar, ache in his heart. Unable to stop himself, he reached out and stroked Benny's face. Suddenly, Fraser stirred, and Ray jerked his hand back, his heart pounding. But Fraser just sighed and rolled over without waking up. 

Ray rubbed his hand over his face. The situation he now found himself in was proof to him that not only did God have a sense of humor, he enjoyed making Ray Vecchio the punchline of his jokes. 

Ray sighed deeply. He couldn't remember exactly when he had fallen in love with his best friend. It had probably started very shortly after he had met Fraser. He had tried to stifle and deny his feelings for a long time, but he couldn't anymore. Whether he would ever get up the nerve to tell Benny was another matter entirely. He had no idea how Fraser would handle the news. Ray doubted very much that the Inuit had a story to cover your best friend and unofficial partner coming out to you and confessing his love. 

Ray sighed again, suddenly feeling almost overwhelmingly tired. Today hadn't been the easiest day for him, either. When he had seen Benny lying in the road... 

With an effort, Ray shook off the memory. But for awhile, at least, Fraser had been lost to him anyway. Ray had spent most of the day with a stranger. He had Fraser's face and Fraser's voice, but he was most definitely not his Benny.  
A smile flickered across Ray's face. He had only known for sure that Fraser was _really_ back when he had told Ray that Inuit story. 

Ray felt the familiar ache settle over him again as he remembered Fraser talking to him in the garden. Telling him about the Inuit ritual of binding a couple's hands together. How they believed that a couple who had been bound was stronger. When Fraser had told him that, Ray had gotten a sudden, very vivid, image of he and Fraser bound together, hand in hand, exchanging vows. It had sent a stab of pain and longing through him so intense he feared Benny would be able to tell. So he had told Fraser to be quiet. 

Fraser had shut up instantly, thinking he was irritating or boring Ray. And Ray had been content to let him think that. For now, at least, it was better than Benny knowing the truth. As painful as it sometimes was for him to be with Benny now, it was nothing compared to the pain Ray knew he would feel if Fraser didn't take the news well and ended the relationship altogether. Ray didn't think he'd be able to take it if that happened. He needed to be around Benny. He just needed it. 

Ray gave one last longing look at the man asleep on the bed. "I love you, Benny." He whispered. He wanted nothing more than to lie down next to Benny and hold him all night long. Instead, he got up and went to the closet and got Fraser's bedroll and an extra pillow and blankets. 

Crossing back over to the bed, Ray unrolled the very thin looking bedroll out on the very hard looking floor. He looked back over at the bed with a rueful smile. "The things I do for you, Fraser." 

* * *

Ray awoke with a start. He looked around for a moment, disoriented. Then he remembered. Fraser's apartment. From the angle of the moonlight, Ray figured he had only been asleep for about an hour. Frankly, he was surprised that he had managed to fall asleep at all. The floor was just as hard and uncomfortable as it had looked. 

Ray's attention was drawn to the bed suddenly. Fraser was tossing about and mumbling. Ray climbed out from under the blankets and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. 

"No!" Ben said. "No, don't! Stop! NO!!" 

"Benny." Ray said, shaking him. "Benny, wake up." Ben sat up with a strangled gasp. 

"It's OK, Benny. It was just a nightmare. It's over now." 

"Oh God." Ben whispered, and covered his face with shaking hands. His breathing was harsh and unsteady. Ray couldn't just sit there. He took Ben into his arms. Ben was still for a moment, then he wrapped his arms around Ray. 

"It's OK, Benny, it's over." Ray whispered. Before long, Ben's breathing had slowed down and evened out. 

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Ray asked him. 

"It was about my Dad." Ben told him in a voice that was not quite steady. He pulled away from Ray slightly, but kept his arms wrapped around him. "I told you about the phone call with my Dad that last Christmas, didn't I?" 

"Yeah, Benny, you did." 

"Well, in my dream we were having that conversation again, And I knew something was wrong, that something bad was going to happen. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen. So I went after him. I got to the top of a ridge, and I could see him down below me. And I could see into the crevice across from him, and there was someone there with a gun. I called out to Dad to warn him, but he couldn't hear me. So I yelled at the gunman to stop, but he couldn't hear me or wouldn't listen; and he shot him. And Dad..." Ben's voice broke and he couldn't continue. 

Ray felt his throat tighten, and he wordlessly pulled Ben into another embrace. Ben clutched him tightly. 

They sat quietly for a few moments, then Ben drew a shaky breath. "I haven't had that dream in a long time." 

Ray drew away and looked at him in surprise. "You've had it before?" 

Ben nodded. "I had it almost every night the first few months after my Father died." Ray reached out and put his hand on Ben's cheek. 

"I'm not sure why I had the dream again now." Ben continued. "I think it's because hearing about his death again today, and then remembering it all over again, was almost like losing him the first time." 

"Oh, Benny." Ray whispered. "I am so sorry." 

Ben looked at him in surprise. "Ray, it's not your fault." He glanced around the apartment, then back at Ray. "Ray, what are you still doing here?" 

"I was worried about you, Benny." 

Ben looked directly into Ray's eyes, and Ray saw a mixture of emotions churning there. Suddenly he realized that his hand was still on Ben's face, and he started to remove it. But Ben quickly brought his own hand up, covering Ray's and trapping it there. 

Ray's eyes widened slightly, and he brought his other hand up to caress Fraser's cheek. Fraser closed his eyes briefly and leaned into Ray's hand. He opened his eyes and smiled softly at Ray. 

Ray caught his breath at the look in Fraser's eyes. He had longed to see that particular look, had dreamed of it; and he was afraid to believe he was really seeing it now. Ben ran the back of his fingers lightly over Ray's cheek, and Ray answered Ben's smile with one of his own. 

Ben ran a finger over Ray's lips and looked at him, gauging his reaction. Encouraged, he leaned forward and gave Ray a gentle kiss. Ray sighed. Benny's lips were soft... warm. Better than he had imagined. Ben smiled at him uncertainly, and Ray smiled back, then leaned forward and kissed Ben again. 

Ray teased at Ben's lips with his tongue, and Ben eagerly opened his mouth. Ray accepted the invitation, carefully and thoroughly exploring Ben's mouth. Ben was an active participant in the proceedings, tasting and teasing at Ray's tongue with his own. He brought a hand up to Ray's head, marveling at the soft feel of the close-cropped hair. Ray brought his own hands down to firmly grasp Ben's hips. 

Finally, Ben broke away. "Oh, God, Ray. I've wanted to do that for so long!" 

"You have?" 

"Yes." 

"Then what in the hell took you so long?" 

Ben laughed. "I wasn't sure you wanted it too." 

"I did, Benny. I _do_. I want it. I want _you_." 

Ben smiled at him. "Good." He traced a finger lightly down Ray's face. Ben noted with appreciation that Ray had stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers before going to bed. He ran his hands slowly down Ray's chest, fondling him through the thin material. 

He pulled the t-shirt out of the waistband of Ray's boxers. Ray swallowed and gave Ben a slightly trembling smile. Ben smiled back, then pushed the shirt up Ray's body. Ben got the shirt up as far as Ray's chest when Ray removed Ben's hands. Ben looked at him in confusion and concern, but Ray just gave him a quick smile and lifted the shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor. 

Ben smiled back, then stared at Ray's exposed chest in admiration. He bent and kissed first one nipple, then the other. Ray sighed in delight. Ben straightened to give Ray a long, passionate kiss, then bent back down to resume his attentions to Ray's chest. 

He placed his mouth over a nipple, swirling his tongue over and around it until it was hard. Ray reached out and took Benny's face into his hands, bringing him up for another long kiss. He then reached out and quickly stripped Ben of his t-shirt, tossing it on the floor on top of his own. 

He ran his hands over Ben's back, wondering at the feel of the soft, warm skin under his hands. Suddenly, his fingers encountered an area of rough scar tissue, and Ray froze. He looked up at Ben, stricken. "Oh, my God, Benny. I am so sor-" 

Ben didn't let him finish, cutting his words off with a kiss. He looked directly into Ray's eyes. "You saved my life that night, Ray." 

"Benny..." Ray whispered brokenly, his eyes filling with tears. 

Ben took Ray's face into his hands, caressing it gently. "In every way that matters, Ray, you saved my life." 

Ray's tears overflowed, spilling down his cheeks. Ben wiped them away, placing a kiss on each cheek. "Don't, Ray." He whispered. 

Ray took Ben into his arms and clutched him tightly. "Oh God, Benny. I love you. I have loved you for so long." 

Ben pulled away just enough to look into Ray's eyes. "You do?" 

"Yes, Benny." 

Ben smiled, but his eyes were now filled with tears, too. "You love me?" 

"I love you." Ray whispered. 

Ben drew Ray into another, tender, kiss, the two men's tears wetting each others cheeks. Ray brought his hands down to tease at Fraser's chest, rolling and pinching the nipples gently between his fingers. Ben moaned helplessly into Ray's mouth. He drew away, and slipped loose the button on Ray's boxer shorts. He looked at Ray, seeking permission to continue. Ray smiled at him, eyes wide, and Ben drew Ray up to his knees and slipped the boxers off him. 

Ray suddenly felt more vulnerable than he ever had in his entire life. Ben just stared for a long, wordless moment, then he looked into Ray's eyes and smiled. "My God you're beautiful." 

Ray wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. But one look at Ben's face and Ray could tell that he truly meant it. "My turn now, Benny." He said hoarsely. 

Ben smiled in nervous anticipation and obligingly rose to his knees. Ray slowly slipped Ben's shorts off, then stared at his beautiful lover. He reached out and gently stroked the already hardening cock, and heard Ben make a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan. "You like that, Benny?" Ray whispered. 

"Oh, God yes!" 

Ray smiled in delight. In response, Ben reached out, took Ray's cock into his hand and started running his hand up and down the length of it. 

Ray leaned forward and captured Ben's mouth with his own, prying Ben's lips open with his tongue. Ben responded eagerly, opening his mouth to Ray, then using his own tongue to explore Ray's mouth. Each man continued stroking the other's cock, matching the motions of their hands so they were stroking each other at the same time. 

Ben slipped his free arm around Ray's waist, clutching his ass firmly with his hand. His breath was coming in short gasps, and he broke the kiss before his oxygen supply ran out completely. 

He looked at Ray, wide eyed with passion and absolutely beautiful. Ray looked directly into his eyes, and their gazes locked and held. It was the most erotic moment of Ben's life. He felt a familiar tightening in his groin. "Ray!" He gasped. 

Ray smiled at him. "It's OK, Benny." Suddenly, Ray gasped harshly. "Benny!!" He cried out, and Ben felt the warmth of Ray's seed spilling over his hand. 

A few moments later, with an inarticulate cry of his own, Ben came. He then slumped against Ray, completely spent. 

Ray tried to hold them both up, but his own legs had turned to jelly. He toppled slowly to the bed, landing on his back with Benny sprawled on top of him. After a minute, Ben rolled off Ray, and the two men lay on their sides, facing each other. 

Ray reached out and brushed the hair back from Fraser's face. Fraser took Ray's hand and placed a kiss in the palm, then kissed each fingertip. Ray leaned over and gave Ben a kiss, then got out of the bed. 

Fraser made a noise of protest, and Ray grinned. "I'll be right back, love." He said. 

He went into the kitchen and came back with a warm, damp towel. He wiped Ben off slowly and thoroughly. Ben smiled at him, took the towel and returned the favor. He then tossed the towel onto the floor and drew Ray down to lie in his arms. 

They lay quietly for a long time, Ray listening to Benny's heartbeat beneath his ear. Finally he drew himself up onto one elbow and looked down into his lover's face. "You OK, Benny?" 

Ben smiled up at him, sleepily but very happily. "I'm better than I ever have been, Ray." He whispered, pulling Ray back down again. 

Ray felt a surge of happiness run through him, so strong that it almost scared him. He turned his head to plant a kiss on Ben's chest. "My Benny." Ray whispered. "My love." 

Ben tightened his arms around Ray and the two men drifted off to sleep. 

* * *

Ray woke up slowly, confused at first at the feeling of happiness running through him. Then he remembered. Benny! He felt his heart pick up pace. Had it really happened? He had wanted it for so long that he was afraid to believe it had actually finally happened. Maybe he had just been dreaming again. But then Ray noticed that his head was resting on something warm and solid. And moving. He looked up to see Benny smiling at him. He looked happy and shy and a little uncertain. 

"Good morning, love." Ray said. Ben's smile widened and the look of uncertainty disappeared. 

"Good morning, Ray." Ben smiled and stroked his cheek lightly. 

"How are you feeling today, Benny?" 

"I've never felt this well, Ray." 

Ray smiled and kissed him, then got out of bed and started to pull on his boxer shorts. Ben sat up in the bed. "Last night was like nothing I've ever experienced before." He told Ray. 

Ray turned to face him. There was something he needed to know. "Benny. About last night." 

Ben was suddenly still, eyeing Ray warily. 

"What did it mean, Benny?" 

"It meant everything Ray. At least to me." 

A beautiful smile lit up Ray's whole face. "It did to me too, Benny. It wasn't just a one-time thing for me. I want it to be the start of something. You're not just a one-night stand, Benny." 

Ben's heart lightened, and his last reservation fell away. "I love you, Ray." 

Ray's heart skipped a beat, then picked up pace slightly. He had wanted to hear Benny say those words to him for so long, had imagined how he would feel if Ben ever did say it to him. But he never could have imagined he would feel like _this_. The incredible warmth spreading throughout his body. The sudden urge to laugh and cry at the same time. He walked slowly over to Benny and knelt down in front of him. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?" 

"I love you, Ray Vecchio. I am in love with you." 

Ray knew he was grinning like a lovesick fool; but then again, so was Benny. He kissed Ben, wrapping his arms around his waist and toppling them onto the bed. Ben rolled them both over so he was lying on top of Ray. He kissed him thoroughly, then moved to nibble gently at his neck. He then moved down to his chest. 

"Oh, Benny." Ray sighed. 

Ben continued his journey down Ray's body, kissing, licking and nibbling as he went. He swirled his tongue around and into Ray's navel, and smiled slightly as he felt the muscles tighten. Ben reached the waistband of Ray's boxers and stopped. He looked up at his lover. "Ray?" he asked. 

"Please, Benny." Ben smiled, but he was suddenly feeling very nervous. Slowly, he pulled Ray's boxers down and removed them. He ran his fingers lightly over Ray's cock and grinned when he felt it twitch in response. 

He stroked the cock gently a few times, then bent down and ran his tongue lightly down the length of it. It was a wonderful sensation, so Ben did it again. He then took the entire cock into his mouth, nibbling on it gently. Ray made a sharp hissing noise between his teeth. "Oh, God, Benny. Please." 

In response, Ben began sucking gently. Ray began thrusting his hips gently, then faster and faster as Ben began sucking harder and harder. Ray began gasping; forcing out words between breaths. "Benny. Love. You. Oh. God. Now. Now!!" Then he was no longer capable of words, and began moaning inarticulately. He cried out again, "BENNY!" and came into his lover's eager mouth. 

Ben swallowed slowly, savoring the new and wonderful taste. He then crawled up Ray's body to lay against his shoulder. Ray wrapped his arms around him and Benny gave him a kiss. 

The men lay quietly together for a long time. Finally Ray reluctantly began to stir. "Come on, Benny. We've gotta get up now. I'll make you breakfast." 

Ben tightened his arms around Ray. "No." 

"Benny..." 

"I don't want to get out of bed today, Ray." 

Ray smiled happily at his lover. "Me neither. What should we do about this?" 

"Well, I could call in sick." 

"You?" 

"Yes. I had a rather difficult day yesterday, after all. I think I need a little extra time to recuperate. And of course, I will need someone to stay with me and take care of me." 

"Oh, I'll take care of you all right." Ray said; and Ben laughed. 

"So, Benny you really want to spend the day resting?" 

"Not the entire day. But I'm afraid I may need intermittent rest breaks." 

Ray jumped out of bed and ran and got his cell phone. Climbing back into the bed he asked "OK, Benny, who do we call first? The station house or the consulate?" 

* * *

The next three weeks were the happiest either man could remember. They were learning more and more about each other every day. As much as they had known each other before, that was how much they were learning about each other now. 

Ben discovered that behind Ray's tough, combative exterior was a deeply caring and sensitive man. He had seen glimpses of it before, but to experience it first hand, and have it directed at _him_ , was a gift better than any he could have imagined. And Ray was discovering that underneath the upright, straight arrow Mountie lurked a man of surprising emotion and passion. 

Ray lay awake in bed one morning, holding the still sleeping Benny, and smiled to himself as he remembered the night before. He had gone over to Benny's and cooked dinner for him. But soon after they had sat down at the table, Ray had noticed that Ben was barely touching his food; but was instead just sitting there staring at him. 

"Benny? What's the matter?" 

"Nothing, Ray." 

"Don't you like the spaghetti? You've hardly eaten a bite." 

"No; I like it, Ray. It's very good. I just don't feel like eating right now." 

"Oh? What do you feel like doing?" 

"I feel like taking you to that bed over there, stripping you naked, and making love to you until you can't breathe." 

Ray had dropped his fork onto his plate, staring at Ben in amazement and sudden very strong arousal. 

They had eventually eaten the spaghetti. In bed. Cold. Neither man wanted to waste the time it would have taken to re-heat it. 

Ben stirred and woke up. "Good morning Ray." 

"Morning, lover." 

Ben noticed the faint grin still playing around Ray's lips. "What, Ray? What are you smiling at?" 

"I was just thinking that I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet." 

"Second luckiest." Ben answered, rolling over to lie on top of him and give him a kiss. 

* * *

"Vecchio, could I see you in my office please?" 

"Sure, Lieutenant." Ray got up from his desk and headed into Welsh's office. He was curious, but not concerned. After all, he hadn't done anything to jeopardize his career in over a month. 

Ray entered Welsh's office and saw that he already had two guests. Ray looked them over quickly. Bad off the rack suits. Ugly haircuts. Expressions without the slightest trace of humor. No doubt about it, they were feds. He shot a questioning look at his Lieutenant. 

"Please close the door, detective." Welsh asked; and Ray complied. 

"Detective Ray Vecchio, meet agents Pierce and Jefferson, F.B.I." The men shook hands all around. 

Agent Pierce rose to his feet. "Detective, Agent Jefferson and I have been talking with Lt. Welsh, and it's time we brought you into the discussion. The F.B.I. has a case on which we need your help." 

" _My_ help?" 

"Yes, detective. Have you ever heard of a man named Armando Langostini?" 

"No. Should I have?" 

"Probably not. He is a member of a very powerful crime family in Las Vegas. We want to get somebody inside that family." 

"And how does this concern me?" 

Jefferson pulled a photograph out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Ray. "Here is a picture of Langostini." 

Ray glanced at the photo. "Holy shit." 

"Yes. That's where you come in. We want you to be the person to infiltrate the family." 

"Excuse me?" 

"We give you a crash course on Langostini's life. Who he is. What he is. Who he knows. His favorite color, his allergies; everything. It will save us a lot of time setting up a false background, then having you infiltrate the family and gain their trust." 

"And you think this Langostini guy is just going to step aside and let me take over his life?" 

Agent Pierce gave Ray a smile that sent chills down his spine. "You just let us worry about that." 

"You want me to drop my life here and move across the country to live someone else's life? For how long? When would I have to leave? And what in the hell do I tell the people I leave behind?" 

"Sit down, Detective Vecchio." Jefferson said with a maddening calmness. "We'll answer all your questions." 

"First off," he continued "you won't have to leave for about four weeks." 

Ray laughed and Jefferson looked at him sharply. 

"Nothing." Ray said. "Go on." 

"We'll have to fill you in on Langostini's life. And of course, your cover will need to be filled in on your life." 

"My what?" 

"Your cover, detective. In order to deflect suspicions, we will have another detective posing as you while you're gone." 

"Just how many guys are out there who look like me?" 

"Actually, he probably won't look like you at all. We haven't found your replacement yet." Pierce told him. 

"So some unknown person is going to take my place. Who's going to take his place. And who's going to replace that guy? How far down the line is this thing going to go?" 

"Just you and your cover. No one will take his place. Having someone posing as you should be sufficient." 

Ray stared at him for a long, incredulous moment, then turned to Lt. Welsh. "Are these guys on drugs?" 

Welsh shrugged. "It's possible." 

"You have a problem with this, detective?" Jefferson snapped. 

"You want me to fly across the country to assume a mobsters life, and I don't even know if I'll be adequately covered? Yeah, I've got a problem with that. What about my family? What do I tell them?" 

"As little as possible." 

Ray shook his head, rose from his chair and started pacing. "How long is the assignment going to last?" 

"At least 6 months." Jefferson told him. "But likely it will be closer to a year." 

Ray stopped pacing and turned to face the two agents. "No." 

"Excuse me?" Pierce said. 

"No thank you, gentlemen. As flattering as the offer is, I'm going to have to refuse." 

"Detective, with all due respect, you have made your decision rather hastily. Why don't you take the weekend to think it over?" 

"I don't need time." 

"Please, detective. Just take the weekend. We'll be back Monday, and we'll talk more then, OK?" 

"I'm not going to change my mind." Ray told them. 

Jefferson just smiled at him. "We'll see you on Monday, Detective Vecchio. Good day, Lt. Welsh." The two men left the office. 

"Lieu?" 

Welsh shook his head. "Just think about it, Vecchio. But think very hard and very carefully." 

Ray nodded and turned to leave. 

"Vecchio?" Ray paused with his hand on the doorknob. 

"For what it's worth, I'd hate to lose you." 

"Thanks, Lieu." Ray left the office. 

* * *

Even though Ray had told the F.B.I. agents that he didn't need to think about their offer, he could not think of anything else. After work he drove aimlessly through the city, finally winding up at the shore of Lake Michigan. He got out of the car and sat on a bench, staring at the water. 

With everything in him, Ray did not want to take the assignment. But what would it do to his career if he refused? How smart was it to piss off the federal government? Ray laughed ruefully. His entire career as a detective had so far survived despite a string of decisions that had blown up in his face. 

Besides, what could the F.B.I. do to him, really? Investigate him? He was clean. Have their friends at the I.R.S. audit him? He didn't make enough money to even think about cheating on his taxes. No, the most they could do was drag their feet in assisting the detective division on cases. Which, as far as Ray saw it, was no drawback whatsoever. 

Of course, taking the assignment _would_ be a huge boost to his career. It would look very good on his record and would probably mean a promotion. 

If he survived. 

Ray shuddered slightly. He didn't think he could live a life with the constant fear of saying the wrong thing or making a false step. Of running into someone he was supposed to recognize but didn't. 

And what about his family? Particularly his Mother? She worried enough about him when he was here in Chicago and she saw him on a daily basis. How would she handle it when he was deep undercover in Las Vegas, completely unable to call or write her? 

And his sisters. They counted on him, too. Was he supposed to run out on them? They had never been able to count on their Father ever being there when they needed him; and after he had died and Ray became "man of the family" he had vowed to himself he would never make that mistake. 

And Benny... Ray smiled softly to himself at the thought of his lover. His lover... the biggest dream of Ray's life had come true, and he was supposed to just give it up? He had worked and struggled and prayed his entire life to find happiness; and at last he had. For the first time in his life, Ray was happy. Truly and honestly happy. No way in hell was he going to walk away from that. He loved Benny. He was *in love* with Benny. When you loved someone, you stayed with them. Especially if they loved you too. And trusted you. 

Ray sighed. He had some idea of what it had taken for Fraser to be able to trust Ray as much as he did. To open up his life and his heart to Ray and let him in. Everyone Benny had ever loved had wound up leaving him; one way or another; and Ray was damned if he was going to be the next one to do that to him. 

Fraser trusted him completely, and Ray would not betray that trust. Not ever. Ray smiled to himself, and with a very light heart he got into his car and drove to his lover's apartment. 

* * *

Ray knocked lightly on the door, then entered the apartment. Ben looked up from the stove where he was fixing dinner, and a beautiful smile lit up his face. "Ray!" 

"Hi love." Ray took Benny into his arms for a deep, passionate kiss, then held him tightly. "I love you, Benny." He whispered. 

"I love you, too, Ray." Ben looked into his face, and his smile faltered slightly. "Is something wrong, Ray?" 

"No, love. Everything is fine. But I need to tell you something." 

"OK." Ben was still concerned. 

"Come over here." Ray smiled at him, took his hand, and led him over to the kitchen table. They sat down across from each other. 

"Benny, a couple of F.B.I. agents came by the station today." 

Ben raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. 

"They want me to work with them on a special undercover assignment." 

"The F.B.I.? Ray, that's great!" Ben smiled at him, a mixture of happiness and pride on his face. 

"Yeah." Ray smiled back slightly. "The assignment is in Las Vegas, Benny. I would have to go deep undercover. I wouldn't be able to contact you. At all." He took a deep breath. "The operation would last 6 months to a year." 

Ben dropped his gaze to look at his hands, which were clenched together on the table in front of him. When he spoke, his voice was tightly controlled. "What did you tell them?" 

"I told them no, Benny." 

Ben looked back up at him, eyeing him carefully. 

"They made me promise to think about it over the weekend and give them my answer Monday; but I'm going to tell them no again." 

"Why?" 

"Why?" 

"Yes, Ray. Why aren't you going to do it?" 

"Lots of reasons, Benny. I finally got my life into decent shape. I'm not going to give up my life now to go live someone else's. I'm not going to give _you_ up, Benny." 

Fraser stood up and went over to the window and stood there staring out. Ray followed him. "Benny? What's the matter?" 

"Ray, have you thought this over thoroughly enough?" 

"Fraser, this is what they call a no-brainer. But yes, I have thought about it. I am not going to do it." 

Ben sighed. "But your career..." 

"My career is here, Benny. I'm a detective for the Chicago police department." 

"Yes, but Ray..." 

"Besides, Benny being a cop isn't all that I am. It's a very important part of who I am, but it's not my whole identity. I'm a son. A brother. An Uncle. I'm your lover." 

Ben smiled and ran a finger lightly down Ray's face. Ray took Benny's hand and held it, intertwining their fingers. "Besides, in the end it's just a job. Can I come home and talk to my career when I'm stressed or upset? Can my career keep me company when I'm lonely? Can my damn stupid career know what I'm thinking and feeling without me saying a word? Taking this assignment may be great for my career, Benny, but it is not best for _me_. So don't even try to convince me I should do it, Benny. Because I'm not going to." 

Ben swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. "I'm not going to try to talk you into it. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here with me. My God, I have trouble getting through the work day when I don't see you for 9 or 10 hours. How on earth would I handle being apart from you 6 months or more?" He reached out and began stroking Ray's face. 

"Not to mention how worried and scared I would be. You'd be out there all alone, with no one to back you up. Every time the phone rang I'd be afraid..." His voice trailed off and it took a moment for him to regain his composure. 

"I feel like I should try to convince you to at least think it over some more, but I'm not going to. It's the most selfish thing I've ever done in my life." 

Ray smiled at him, but he had tears in his eyes. "If ever you had to pick a time to be selfish, Benny, this is it." 

Ben laughed shakily, then drew Ray in for a kiss. The kiss was hungry and passionate and intense on both their parts. Finally, Ray broke away. 

"Make love to me Benny." He whispered. "Let me make love to you. I love you, Benny. I need you." 

Ben smiled and took Ray's hand and led him to the bed. 

* * *

Agent Jefferson was not a happy man. He was pacing quickly back and forth in Welsh's office. "Detective Vecchio, I don't think you fully understand what you're doing." 

"I understand completely." Ray said calmly. 

"This could make your career." 

"My career is fine the way it is, thank you." 

"So," Jefferson snapped "you want to be a Detective at some little station house in a piss-poor section of Chicago for the rest of your life?" 

From his seat behind his desk, Welsh bristled, and Ray had a hard time keeping the grin off his face. "Actually, that sounds like the perfect career to me." 

Agent Pierce joined the conversation. "Come on, Detective, how could you pass up the chance to help in an investigation of this magnitude?" 

"Give me a break." Ray snapped. 

"Look, Detective," Jefferson cut in "if you need more time to think it over..." 

"I don't need more time. I've thought about it. I've talked it over with my family. With my loved ones." A small smile flickered over his face, and Welsh's eyes narrowed. 

"Detective Vecchio." Jefferson said "Your refusal to help in this investigation will do it a great deal of harm, and set it back considerably." 

"Oh, please. You guys are the F.B.I. Do you honestly expect me to believe you don't have a plan B, C, D and E? Well, you'd better use one of those plans, because I'm staying right here." 

"Detective..." 

"Agent Pierce, Agent Jefferson, I have made my decision. To talk about it any more would only waste my time and yours. And I don't know about you, but I have a ton of work waiting for me on my desk." 

"Detective..." 

"This conversation is over." Ray said. 

"That is not your call!" Jefferson snapped. 

"That's right." Welsh said, calmly but very firmly. "It's mine. My office, my Detective, my call. Agent Pierce, Agent Jefferson, you can leave now. Have a nice day." 

The two Agents still looked less than happy, but both recognized the dangers of arguing with Lt. Welsh. Without another word, the two men left the office. Ray started to follow them. 

"Detective Vecchio? A moment of your time?" 

Ray closed the door and sat down across from Welsh. 

"Vecchio, you're not turning this assignment down for strictly professional reasons, are you?" 

"No Sir." 

"I see. And these... personal... reasons. They would involve your family?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"Uh huh. And anything else?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"And these other reasons. Would they involve a certain Mountie?" 

Ray blinked in surprise. "Yes Sir." 

"I see. Exactly how close _are_ you and Big Red, Vecchio?" 

Ray hesitated, but Welsh had come through for him more than Ray could have hoped for. He owed him the truth. "Very close, Sir." 

"So you're, uh..." 

"Lovers, Sir." 

Welsh's eyebrows raised slightly. "Is that so." 

"Yes Sir." Ray's expression was part shy, part defiant. 

"Yeah, I'd wondered about that for a while." 

Ray shook his head. Had _everyone_ figured out the truth before him and Benny? 

"Vecchio. Considering the changed circumstances of your relationship, I wonder if it's entirely wise for you to be working so closely with Constable Fraser." 

"Sir, there's no one I would rather have at my back." Suddenly realizing the way those words could be taken, Ray blushed and looked down at his lap. 

Welsh looked down at his desk to hide the sudden grin spreading over his face. "I understand Detective." 

"Thank you, Sir." Ray stood up and headed for the door. 

"Vecchio." 

Ray turned back. "Yes Sir?" 

"Am I to assume that this new facet to your relationship with the Constable is the reason for your much-improved mood of late?" 

Ray grinned. "Yes Sir." 

"Well, tell Fraser 'thank you.'" 

"I already have, Sir." 

As he left Welsh's office, Ray noticed that the two F.B.I. agents had not left; but were over by the filing cabinets talking to a man Ray didn't recognize. The man did not look like a criminal, though. He had that indefinable something about him that said "cop". 

He was about 6 feet tall, with... interesting blond hair, cut so that it spiked on top; and he had piercing blue eyes. Not as nice as Benny's, of course, but still... Ray stared at the man for a few moments, admiring his wiry yet well-muscled build. Suddenly, he shook himself. 'God, Vecchio! What are you doing?!' 

Suddenly the blond man spoke to the two agents, so loudly that his voice carried across the room. "So what you're telling me is that you dragged my ass all the way across town for absolutely no reason at all?" 

"It's beginning to look that way, yes." Agent Jefferson answered. 

The blond man swore and stormed away from the agents. As he passed by him, Ray could hear him muttering to himself. "Damn stupid Fibbies. They need to pull their heads out of their asses." 

Ray walked back to his desk, laughing the entire way. 

* * *

When Ray arrived at the Consulate to pick up Fraser, he was about ten minutes early. He noticed with a great deal of satisfaction that Benny was standing guard duty. He watched Fraser for a few minutes, then got out of the car with an evil grin on his face. He walked up to Benny. 

"Good afternoon, Constable. I know that you can't talk to me right now, so I'll just tell you what I have planned for this evening. First I'm going to feed you a bunch of pasta to build up your strength and stamina. Then I'm going to take you over to your bed, lay you down, and teach you the real meaning of the words 'mounted police'." 

Ben's expression didn't change, but he swallowed and blinked rapidly. 

Ray's grin widened. "I'll just go inside and wait in your office." 

Ray went inside, strolled upstairs, and made himself comfortable behind Benny's desk. In just a few short minutes, Ben was there, closing the door behind him. He crossed the room, dropped his hat on the desk and drew Ray to his feet and into a kiss. 

Ben grabbed Ray's hips, pulling their groins to rub against each other. Ray twined the fingers of one hand through Ben's hair and grasped Ben's ass with the other. Both men allowed themselves to become lost in the kiss, and it seemed to go on forever. They jumped apart, however, at the sound of the door opening. They turned to see a very surprised looking Turnbull staring at them, rapidly turning as red as his uniform. 

"What is it, Turnbull?" Ben asked, with a remarkable degree of patience. 

"Um... I have a message for you, Sir." Turnbull stammered, holding out a slip of paper. "Your travel agent called. He's back in his office and you can reach him now." 

"Thank you, Turnbull." Fraser said, taking the paper. 

"Yes Sir." Turnbull left the office as rapidly as he could. 

"Travel agent, Benny?" 

"Yes." 

"Oh, that's right! You're going on vacation next week, aren't you?" Ray asked. 

"Well, not anymore. That's why I called him. I'm going to cancel it." 

"Why?" 

"What do you mean, 'why?'" 

"Benny, are you canceling your vacation because of me?" 

"No, Ray. Because of us." 

Ray smiled and ran a hand lightly over Ben's hair. 

"Benny. Go on the trip." 

"Ray..." 

"No, Benny. I think you need this vacation. I know how homesick you've been lately." 

"But Ray..." 

"Benny, when is the last time you were home?" 

"I was there earlier this year, Ray. With you. You know that." 

Ray sighed. "All right. Let me re-phrase the question. "When is the last time you were home without it turning into a life or death struggle?" 

"Oh. Well, that's been a while longer." Ben said, smiling. 

"Go, Benny." 

"Ray, you just gave up a career-making job for me, and I'm supposed to go away and leave you?" 

"Benny, for God's sake, it isn't the same at all. I was going to be gone for an indefinite length of time, completely unable to contact you. You will be gone for only two weeks." 

"I will be out of contact most of that time, Ray." 

"I know that, Benny. And I admit, that part sucks. And as much as I would love to go tramping through the Canadian wilderness with you, eating nothing but bugs and berries, I think I'll just stay here and wait for you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Ray grinned. 

"Out of sight, out of mind." Ben responded lightly. 

"Oh, Benny. You could never be out of my mind. Or my heart." 

Ben smiled at him, but Ray thought he saw something else in his eyes. "Benny. Go on vacation. I swear I will be here when you get back." 

Ben's smile faltered and he looked away. "I'm sorry, Ray." He whispered. 

"Oh, Benny." Ray said, reaching out to hug him tightly. "It's OK. You haven't done anything to apologize for." 

"I love you, Ray." 

"I love you too, Benny." 

Ben kissed Ray again, a tender yet passionate kiss, then broke away. "Would you like to go home now, Ray?" 

"Yes, Benny, I would." 

* * *

Elaine glanced over at Ray, sighed and rolled her eyes. For the last two weeks Ray had seemed either depressed or cranky, often both at once. But today he had entered the station smiling from ear to ear and humming happily. She had even made a crack about the Cubs, and Ray had merely grinned at her. Elaine shook her head. Even after working with him for years, she just couldn't figure Ray out sometimes. 

The door to Welsh's office opened and Ray was summoned inside by the Lieutenant. He walked over to Welsh's office, smiling and humming the whole way. Once he entered the office, however, the smile and the song both quickly faded away. Agents Jefferson and Pierce were sitting in front of Welsh's desk. 

"Jesus Mary and Joseph." Ray swore. "My ex-wife was easier to get rid of than you two." 

Agent Jefferson smiled at him humorlessly. "Detective. You have had a while longer to mull over the situation. We have to come to see if you will change your mind." 

Ray found himself feeling unreasonably angry. "I am not quite sure how to break this to you two, but I haven't given your offer a thought since the last time I told you no." 

"Detective, your country needs you." 

Ray burst out laughing. "My country needs me? Oh, my God, you two must be desperate." 

"Do you find this situation funny, Detective?" Pierce sounded morally offended. 

"No. I find this situation a sad, pathetic, flaming pain in my ass. I'm not quite sure why you didn't understand me the first two times; but let me tell you again in really little words, so you'll be sure to understand. I. Am. Not. Going." 

"Look, Detective..." Jefferson started. 

"No, you look. As flattering as it is that you" Ray paused and looked right at Jefferson, giving him a nasty grin "want me... I'm not going to do it." 

"May we ask the reason why?" 

Ray thought he might strangle. "I have already told you why!!" 

"You gave us some vague answers about your family and 'personal reasons'. We want the real truth." 

"Oh, you want the real truth?" 

"Yes, Detective." 

"The real truth is that it's none of your godammned business." 

"Detective." Welsh said warningly. 

Ray thought of the one thing that might deter the two agents once and for all. "Look, I'm gay, all right?" 

"You're not doing this because you're gay?" Jefferson sounded honestly surprised. 

"I didn't think the F.B.I. would want a gay man on such a big case." 

"We don't discriminate against gays, Detective." 

"No, I guess you wouldn't after Hoover." 

Pierce shot to his feet, furious and sputtering. 

"Pierce, calm down!" Jefferson snapped. He turned to Ray. "Detective, we don't care if you're gay or not. We want you on the case." 

Ray heaved a sigh. "It's not just that I'm gay. I am in a relationship; and I don't want to leave him." 

"If he really cares about you, he would want you to do this. He would understand." Pierce said nastily. 

Ray was furious. "Maybe he does understand. But if I was in Vegas and he was here, we wouldn't be able to butt fu-" 

"All right!!!" Welsh roared, jumping to his feet. "Vecchio, you keep a civil tongue in your head, and you two, get the hell out of my office and stop wasting this department's time." 

Jefferson sighed, defeated. He turned to face Ray. "So, this is truly your final answer?" 

"Yes. For the third time, this is my final answer." 

"I must say we are very disappointed." 

"I'll try to learn to live with the guilt." 

Pierce found his voice. "God help you if you ever need the F.B.I.'s help." 

Ray smiled at him sweetly. "My thoughts exactly. Are we done here, gentlemen? I have an appointment I need to keep." He turned to face Welsh. "Lieutenant?" 

"You're excused, Vecchio. I'll see you tomorrow." 

Jefferson looked at Ray. "An appointment?" 

"Yeah, that's right. And as much as I'd like to hang around here and have you tell me I'm a bad American, I have to go pick someone up at the train station. See you around, boys." 

He left the office, closing the door behind him. As he walked down the corridor, Ray began humming again. 

The End 


End file.
